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Friends of Kimberly Gibbs were surprised to find out she was recently arrested for hoarding mail. According to WLTX:

“Deputies found hundreds of letters they say 31-year-old U.S. postal worker Kimberly Gibbs hadn’t delivered. They apparently hadn’t been distributed in several days, but are now in the hands of their rightful owners.”

Even more surprising, deputies found a fuckload of cocaine in the house, which may explain her eyes exploding out of her face.

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Have you ever met a man you love so much that you want to tase him ’till his anus exploded? Police in Mesa, Arizona met just such a man and needless to say, he doesn’t appear to have enjoyed it.

According to KPHO in Phoenix,

Officers arrested Jack W. Blurton after they responded to a report of a man with a knife and a grenade at Groggy’s Bar in Mesa, Mesa police spokeswoman Diana Tapia said.

Blurton originally ran from the officers, and one of them caught up with him in a dirt lot, Tapia said. The two fought, and officers took the suspect into custody after deploying a Taser on him three times, Tapia said.

Word to the wise Jack. Go down after the first shot.

I’ve never really understood the point of flexing in a photo, especially when you kind of look like Mr. Clean.

See, when you’re bald and try to look tough, you immediately get compared to Mr. Clean. But Mr. Clean is a badass. He’s bald, buff as shit, and he has the power to leave my floors with a glossy shine without too strong of a scent.

Can you do that Mr. Peralta? Fuck no you can’t, because you’re not Mr. Clean. You can, however, get arrested for being intoxicated and disruptive.

I have high expectations for those who have attempted to kill others. Generally I expect them to have cold eyes, perhaps some crazy tattoos, maybe even a mean look on their face.

Unfortunately Deangelo Robertson doesn’t live up to my expectations. He simply looks like someone shit in his cornflakes and stuck it in his face.

Lets be honest, shit stinks. Some shit stinks worse than others. By the look on his face, I would say this was an orange baby shit, or maybe an old man bran shit.

But what amazes me the most about Deangelo is the fact that he let whoever stuck that stink bowl of mess in his face get away. I guess that shit is a murder deterrent.

Is it possible to smoke too much marijuana? I’m beginning to question it after seeing a grown man with a tramp stamp tattooed on his fucking forehead. Really, at what point does this seem like a good idea?

If you could last through what I would imagine is a 15 minute rant on how the government is “harshing his buzz”, I’m sure Sam Apostolou could tell you.

Sam was arrested for, surprise, trying to obtain a controlled substance.

So, this joint’s for you, man.

Robert Marcum is a great teacher. Instead of just “running away” from the burning building, he taught me to stand in the building I was trying to burn to ensure I brought my skin to a nice crispy finish.

Or, if I couldn’t stick around, he always recommended I just douse myself in gasoline and light a smoke. Man, does that ever work well.

Do I really need to know what Eluid here did in order to post him? I would say no, because he looks like a bad ass pirate.

Honestly, this is one of the only cases where I think a pirate could beat a ninja, because this pirate has a sweet ’stach, an eye patch and he probably owns a parrot. Hell, maybe he stole his from the ninja’s kid, what do I know?

On a non-pirate side note, thanks to everyone who has stuck around through my inconsistent posting. I’m learning first hand that children are extremely time consuming.

You know, not every mug shot has leaves me speechless. Take God for instance. His mug is ordinary, just a plain old guy. But lets delve further into why I’m posting him.

First, who names their child God? I mean, really? You couldn’t come up with something a bit less…holy? To top it off, his middle name is Lucky. Thus far, we have the magical lord of shitty tasting Irish themed breakfast cereal as a compelling reason to post him.

Second, he was busted for selling cocaine near a church. The irony, it’s so awesome I can’t put it into words.

You can read more about his attempt to get the crackheads in the church here.